30 Day Blog Challenge: Post Five

The last time I cried.

Honestly, I am a hormonal crazy woman. I cry when I'm the slightest bit upset. I cry if I think I did something wrong. I cry when I'm mad. But have you ever noticed that there are different cries? There are cries for help. There are cries that you don't even truly know why it's happening. Then, there are the cries that are just good for the soul. I don't remember the last time I had a good cry. I keep everything all bottled up inside of me. That's what you're supposed to do, right? Be there for your kids, be there for your significant other, be there for your family. Don't ever show weakness. I feel like that is how motherhood is perceived, you have to be perfect.

I cried when Maddox was born. That was a proud cry. I cried watching my best friend Taylar cry when she was watching Justin and how proud he was looking over Maddox in the warmer. I cried when Kiannah was laying next to Maddox on my bed telling me how much she loved her little sister. Proud cries.

I cried when I tried to roll over in bed, and I couldn't because my breasts were so swollen I couldn't put my arms down. I cried when I was healing from childbirth and had to lay on heating pads all the time. I cried when I had to take iron pills and had no appetite and got sick because of the medication.
Pain cries.

I cried when my doctor told me he may be out of town for my birth. I cried when he said he wouldn't be able to induce me on the day we'd planned out. I cried when I found out they pushed my due date back last minute.
Disappointment cries.

I cried when my mom had to be taken to ER. I cried when Justin called and said he put his car in the ditch.
Fear cries.

But honestly, I can't remember the last soul-cleansing cry that I had. Maybe I just need to go light a candle, take a hot bath, and let myself know it's okay. I can let go. I can let all of the emotions flow and nothing and no one can judge me. Even if they do, who cares? What does anyone else's opinion of me matter? It doesn't change who I am unless I let it change me, and I like who I am. I love who I am, tear stained and all.