Bullying

I've been thinking a lot about my short little post from yesterday. It got me thinking, I am going to bring something up that I find to be quite troubling.

Kiannah has never been to a daycare. She has never been to a babysitter. When she needed to be watched while I was at work or school, my grandma, my uncle, my mom, my sisters watched her. Never a babysitter. But with that, there is the fact she wasn't around kids much. Her little cousin, yes. We did try to take her to parks often, so she could socialize.

She always did amazing playing with others. Even if they were mean, or hurtful, she would still play and be nice. We went to the park one time, and went to the bathroom. When we came out, there were two buses at the park. Two different schools had brought their special needs kids to the park to play. Kiannah played with all of them. When we left, she said "Mom, I loved those kids, they were older than me and still played with me and had so much fun." She's always had the biggest heart.

But now, in school it's all different. She's started acting out. She has an assigned seat on the bus for spitting on someone for being mean to her.

The most heartbreaking thing though, happened right before bedtime.

We were getting ready for bed and I asked her if she was excited to see her friends tomorrow at school. She said "Mom I don't have any friends." I asked her what she meant, there are around 100 kids in her grade, surely she has a friend or two at the least. She proceeded to tell me that at recess they have this bench that is called the "buddy bench." If you are alone, and want a buddy you go sit on said bench and if someone sees you there, they are supposed to go get you from the bench and find something you can do together so no one has to play alone. She told me she will go to that bench at the beginning of recess, and at the end of the recess, she is still there alone. Alone. My beautiful, amazing, little girl. Alone.

How do you fathom that as a parent? When it's you, yourself, you can brush it off. Say oh well, and try again tomorrow. But this is my daughter. The person I'm raising. The woman I am supposed to empower. Alone.

She told me that people at school make fun of her and say she has an ugly face. My beautiful little girl.